Catching up

I'll admit it, I've been a delinquent blogger lately. I'm busy at work due to budget season and the summer class I'm taking is fairly time consuming. It involves running a fake company through a simulation. Every week we have to make decisions on investing, brands, sales channels, production, advertising, etc. I've enjoyed the class and we're coming to the end of the simulation. We're in first place (it's also a competition among 4 teams) and as long as the engineers in my group don't come up with too many more ridiculous ideas we should win.

So here's the rundown of what's gone on since I left you slightly aroused after my visit to the watch repair hottie.
-We took a family trip to Adventureland with a group of 12. We had a great time, and anytime you leave there without motion sickness it's a victory.
-My wife picked up my newly repaired watch. She reads this blog also.
-I got bit by a dog. I won't go into great detail as there is nothing terribly funny about it. I also don't want to turn this into a rant about people not controlling their pets.
-I got a tetanus shot due to the bullet point above.
-I went to my hometown county fair. Two of my nephews show animals and I've been meaning to get there for several years but never made it. The fair tried a new marketing ploy this year. They raised the price for adult admission, charged only $1 for kids under 11, and let the kids ride the rides for free. I determined there is a downside to this. It's really hard to drag the kids away from free rides. If I had to pay, I would have told them ahead of time how many rides they would get to go on and we would go home when they were done. And since they know I'm cheap, they wouldn't have fought it. Instead, I was there from 10am to 8:30pm. At least some things never change. The carnies are still several teeth short of a full set and a few bricks short of a load. They still have all the typical carnie games, although the prizes have changed. We used to win a a goldfish if we could throw a ping pong ball into one of the tiny fishbowls. Now they award you a blowup fish with mouth that strongly resembles a part of the female anatomy. Not to give it away, but the part I'm referring to rhymes with angina. I think I like the blowup fish better than the real one. And yes, I've been waiting this entire post to get to mention the fish.
-One final tidbit. My middle child lost a tooth yesterday. She put it under her pillow in her room, but she slept on the floor of the family room with a friend. The tooth fairy didn't visit last night, but I have to give Abby credit for trying. She tried to fool the tooth fairy into thinking she was in bed by putting some pillows under the covers in the shape of her body.
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The Perverts Guide to Watch Repair

I'm going to warn the four people that might read this. The funniest part of this post is probably the title. I wasn't really planning on a post about my trip to the local mall to get a new watch battery, but once I thought up the title I knew I'd have to write about it.

Last night I went to the mall to get a new battery in my Fossil Hawkeye watch. I really like the watch, the problem is it has two batteries so it seems like I'm always replacing one. The recently deceased battery powered the hands, the other battery powers the LCD display. I arrived at the mall around 8:15 and wandered to center court where all the jewelry stores are located. I went past The Watch Company (I know it's the obvious choice, but they screwed up the last time I had them replace a battery) and continued to Fred Meyer Jewelers as I knew they had a fairly large watch selection.
As I walked up to Fred Meyer a girl in a silk fuschia shirt with one too many buttons undone looked up and smile at me. I knew immediately we were going to have a long term relationship. I privately cursed myself for not dressing up to her standards. I gave her my watch and explained that it needed a new battery. She generously leaned over the counter and I discovered she was wearing a bra that matched her shirt. Things were pointing up. I mean looking up.
She took my watch to the back and started working on it. About 15 minutes later she came back out with my watch. Since we had developed a connection I sensed immediately things weren't going well. She asked if I was sure it was the battery. I also noticed the display wasn't working anymore. I informed her the watch had two batteries, after I finished looking down her shirt again. She went back to work, emerging another 10 minutes later. Now the hands were working, but the display was still dark. She said she had replaced both batteries, and I pointed out when I had arrived the display worked. I sensed our relationship was receiving it's first major test.
She spent another 10 minutes on the watch (I told you this was a long-term relationship) and the display still wasn't working. I was starting to question her watch fixing abilities. She offered to send it to the watch repair guy and I initially resisted. But she's persuasive so I let her send it in after she informed me it was free of charge. She took down my information, then I realized her ulterior motive. She had broken my watch on purpose so she could get my phone number. Maybe this relationship still has a chance.
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The early bird gets...

I've always thought of myself as having an appreciation of nature. I don't hug trees and pet grass, but I do enjoy being outdoors. This time of year I like to sleep with the windows open to get some fresh air. The problem I'm having lately is the great outdoors is a lot louder than usual.

We live next to a lot of open area so there are a lot of birds. The problem with is the birds get up really early. The last few mornings they are screaming at me by about 5 o'clock. You didn't read that wrong, these birds are screaming. It sounds like they are being violently raped right outside my window. I fully expect to open the shades to see a homeless guy or a raccoon violating a sparrow.
So there you go, the early bird gets gang raped. And that's why I sleep in.
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What marriage is really like

I can't believe it's been almost a month since I posted anything. Time flies when you're having fun, and it flies even faster when you're spending 4 nights a week watching softball. Just a couple weeks left and then our life might resume some kind of normalcy. Then again, maybe not. Normalcy isn't all that popular around here. Anyway, my real reason for posting today has nothing to do with softball. This is the actual transcript of a conversation I recently had with my wife:

Wife: Where’d you put my cell phone charger?
Me: I didn’t move it.
Wife: I always leave my charger on the counter. You must have moved it when you moved the laptop.
Me: (blank stare)
Wife: You need to be more careful with my stuff. If I lost your charger you’d be pissed. I HATE YOU!!! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!
Me: What just happened?
Wife: AARRRGH!!!
Me: (silently planning my escape)
Wife: Oh, never mind. I brought my charger upstairs last weekend. It’s right there.
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Zach gives 'em hell

People that refer to a 2-year-old as being in the "terrible twos" don't know what they're talking about. In my humble opinion, it is a great age for a kid. Two-year-olds have a limited vocabulary and not much attitude. Zach will occasionally drive me crazy by yelling "DaDa!" for a half hour straight, but he makes up for it by being a complete goofball.

Just recently Zach discovered his new favorite song. We're not the type of family that only listen to children's music, we tend to bounce around top 40 stations. We were listening to the "Gives you hell" by the All-American Rejects recently and Zach picked up on the tune. Unfortunately, he couldn't keep up to the words and understand them very well. He did, however, understand "hell" and now he sings that word every chance he gets. Of course, he's still behind so he's saying "hell" a couple seconds late. Like I always say, there's nothing cuter than a toddler that swears.
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And the hits just keep on coming

My oldest daughter's issues with balance are well-documented. A better blogger would be able to post a link to it, but ever time I try to do it I screw it up. I'll just tell you it was sometime last year.
Mady had her first softball game of the year last night. She's moved up a division this year (we had to lie to do it) so there are other girls pitching to her. That alone is a bit funny.

A 9-11 year-old trying to pitch windmill-style is mildly entertaining. One of the girls pitched behind the batter more times than in front. Mady didn't pitch in this game, which is just as well as we haven't practiced that skill very much. She didn't have much luck at the plate, but she did field a couple grounders cleanly. The real story was on the way home. Mady was jawing with her sister and basically trying to pick a fight. She swatted at her sister with her ball glove and then started jogging down the sidewalk. She got about 50 yards and then BAMM!! she ran right into a truck. Not a truck in motion, just one that was parked slightly in the sidewalk. I have no idea how she didn't see it. I mean, it's a frigging truck. Now granted, it was a half-ton pickup and not a semi, but still.
I peeled her off the sidewalk and determined that mostly just her pride was hurt. Tonight we had another softball game for her sister, Abby. She didn't hit another truck on the way home. There was a pickup truck in the same driveway, except it was white. I told Mady she must have hit the truck so hard that she knocked the paint off it.
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Vegas trip report-April 2009 Day 3

As expected, the next morning dawned with me residing in Hangovertown. It wasn’t the type of hangover I could kill with ibuprofen, I was going to have to wait this one out. I was on a strict water diet for the morning. Shortly before noon the F’s came to our room and we headed down to the pool. They didn’t appear to be nearly as hung over as I was, even though they were out later the night before. They said Coyote Ugly sucked (big surprise) but Rok was decent. Mr. F thought he was still drunk from the night before, which is probably the only reason he wasn’t hung over.

I laid by the pool for awhile and started to feel better. After letting my stomach settle for an hour before deciding I needed something to eat and the food at the pool wasn’t a good idea. I set off down the strip after checking if I’d won any sports bets from the previous day (I hadn’t) and decided I could handle Subway. I ate half there, the other half while watching the fountains at Bellagio, and I was feeling better. My next stop was Ceasar’s as a friend had asked me to place a sports bet and the odds were better there than NYNY. I played some video poker there, won a little, and headed back to the hotel. I was feeling pretty sure I needed a nap.
I slept for maybe 30 minutes before the wife came back from the pool. The F’s had set off down the strip already and were going to call us when they wanted to meet up. Shortly after the wife arrived, the F’s called from Hawaiian Tropic. We met up with them there and despite the amount of alcohol they had consumed in the previous 2 days, they weren’t done yet. Apparently, they needed to celebrate the purchase of the Louis Vuitton bag. I thought I was done so I stuck with water. We hung out there for awhile before continuing north on the strip. We grabbed some cheap Corona from Bill’s and decided on Margaritaville for dinner. I gave in to peer pressure and had a better than average margarita with the mountain of nachos we ordered. The nachos were decent, but nothing spectacular. The only impressive attribute was their size. The wife and I split the nachos (with plenty left over) while the F’s each had something in the salad family.
We went back to the hotel and turned in early as we had booked a 7:30AM flight.
The flight home was quiet, as early flights from Las Vegas typically are. The group of party girls were on the flight and it appeared they had partied themselves out. One of them had a very unfortunate sunburn on half of her face. My guess is she fell asleep/passed out in the sun on Sunday. Mr. F finally sobered up on the flight home, which is good since he drove to the airport.
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