Day 3:A Day at Sea

I started the day by browsing through the cruise guide in our room. That was when I realized every member of our party would be assessed a gratuity fee of $10/day. Being the cheapskate I am, I was a little pissed. I'm pretty sure my 3-year-old isn't going to require enough assistance from the staff to cost them $10/day.
What I remember specifically about our first full day at sea was the wife and our middle child feeling the ill-effects of motion sickness. They both took some medication and did a fair amount of sleeping that day. I wandered around the boat a lot and started feeling a little claustrophobic. The ship seems huge from the outside, but if you walk around for an hour you can see everything with a half hour to spare. The kids and I played mini-golf, which is a bit frustrating on a boat. The mini-golf course is on the top level with nothing blocking the gale force winds coming off the gulf. It's literally windy enough to blow the ball around the course.

The dining room was formal attire that night, so we opted for the buffet again. I couldn't believe how many people dressed up to eat. My vacation attire is strictly shorts and t-shirts, not suit and tie. And, of course, the staff took plenty of pictures of people in their formal attire to sell them at ridiculous profits.
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Day 2: Arrival

Staying in Tupelo left us with about a 4.5 hour drive to Mobile. We got up, had breakfast, had a slight miscommunication with Gimpy about when we’d depart, then we got on the road. We arrived in Mobile with time to spare, which was good because Mobile doesn’t believe in signage. We had directions, but once you can see the boat you’d expect to be able to drive right to it. Not the case. At all. We missed the turn the first time, looped back around, went under the bay twice, made a U-turn, visited Cuba, before finally finding the parking ramp.

There was a huge line to get into the ramp as every car is stopped and sniffed by the police dog. Good thing they weren’t looking for prescriptions or Gimpy would still be getting searched. We dropped off our bags and got yelled at because we hadn’t attached our tags yet. These were the paper tags so they know where to send your bags on the boat. If I were in the mood for an argument, I would have asked why we would attach said tags before we got there. We travelled 900 miles and spent the night on the way. If we had attached paper tags before we left, they would have definitely been torn off by the time we arrived. And then we almost left our passports in the suitcases. That would have made clearing customs excessively difficult.
Getting on a cruise ship requires waiting in endless lines. There were only 2000 passengers on the ship, yet there were at least 8000 people in line. However, we were fortunate that my wife likes spending my money. She paid extra to be on the top level, so we got VIP treatment. We went through a short security line while 8000 people shot us angry looks. Gimpy set off the metal detectors with her knees, but they took it easy on her despite me telling them she was carrying. We also had to go through a health screening, which is a colossal waste of time. You fill out a form saying if you’re sick, and if you are they make you go to the medical station on the ship. So everyone claims to be healthy and tries to hide their smallpox. We got our badges/room keys/charge cards (DON’T LOSE THESE OR WE THROW YOU OVERBOARD!!!) and headed on board. But not before they had to take our picture. Then we went up the ramps and got on board, where each person gets their picture taken individually. This is a recurring theme (in case you hadn’t noticed) that Carnival really likes taking your picture. Then they try to sell you your picture at a ridiculous profit.
We went to find something to eat (it was about 2pm and we hadn’t eaten lunch) and settled for the outdoor deli near the pool. We did the throw-a-bunch-of-crap-in-a-bowl stir fry (similar to Hu Hot or Genghis Grill) with below average results, but we were starving so it didn’t really matter. We hung out on the deck for awhile before I went to find a TV to watch the Hawks (SPOILER ALERT: they lost in gut-wrenching fashion again). The first place I went agreed to change one of the 3 TVs to the Iowa game (all 3 were on the LSU game) and they gave me the one where it appeared there was an earthquake in Iowa City. He also informed me there was a lounge a level below. I took the hint and went downstairs, there another aloof bartender changed one 4 inch TV to the Iowa game while the 2 96 inch TVs were still on, you guessed it, the LSU game. She also sold me a $6 glass of beer (17% gratuity included). Then they turned it off after 15 minutes because everyone had to go listen to the safety briefing. Lots of irate LSU fans after that.
I know the cool kids skip the safety briefing, but apparently kids need to attend to get wristbands directing them where to go if the ship sinks. Once again, DON’T LOSE THESE OR WE THROW YOU OVERBOARD!!! After the safety briefing, I wasn’t interested in going back to the bar so I went to our room and watched the rest of the game there. We hit the buffet for dinner, then wandered around for awhile before calling it a night. Zach went to the kids club and seemed to like it (he wasn’t one of the kids bawling uncontrollably when I picked him up) while the girls met a girl named Jamie to hang out with for the rest of the trip. And Jamie, if you're reading this, the girls lost your home address so don't expect any correspondence from them. Also, if you're reading this, it's an amazing coincidence and you probably need a better hobby than wandering through the blogosphere.
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Day 1: Getting there is not half the fun

Wow, 2 months since my last post. I guess I could think up an excuse, like I've been in a coma or I have amnesia. I can't even say I've been terribly busy. Maybe the problem is I used to be in class and could write instead of paying attention. Now I'm at home every night and have three "distractions."
We set out on a Friday morning with a facing a 10-hour drive and dreaming of sun and sand on a 5-day cruise. The roll call for this trip was the wife and I, our 3 kids and Gimpy (my mother-in-law). Despite getting both knees replaced in the last couple years, she’ll always be Gimpy to me. At least when I’m writing about her and am trying to preserve her anonymity. We didn’t get off to a great start as getting 6 people plus luggage in a minivan can be a tight squeeze. Plus, my wife and her mother insist on traveling with their own pillows. Must be something genetic. Anyway, after wrestling Gimpy into her support hose and cramming everyone in, we set sail.

I have to say, we made good time. With 3 kids and a grandmother on board, I was expecting a lot of stops. We drove 2.5 hrs and stopped for lunch in Hannibal, MO (Long John Silvers, which is quite possibly the greatest seafood on earth) and stopped in Sikeston, MO for gas. It was one of the filthiest gas stations I’ve been to. The bathroom had a half dozen flies buzzing around (and it was a bathroom with a single, barely functioning toilet) and some old geezer was walking around with a cigarette that had 2 inches of ash ready to fall off. One of the best things my great state of Iowa has ever done was outlaw smoking in everywhere except casinos.
We went from Sikeston to Tupuelo, MS and spent the night there. The wife insisted that we stop at Walmart because she had forgotten shampoo. I mentioned there will be shampoo on the boat, and it’ll probably be complimentary. She claimed there wouldn’t be, and once again I was proven right. Sometimes it’s hard being me.
The standard chain restaurants (Applebees, Olive Garden, etc) were all packed so I got to eat at one of my absolute favorites, Steak Escape. They have a dish called the Smashed Potato and it is phenomenal. It’s a baked potato chopped up and grilled, then topped with steak, cheese, onion, green peppers and mushroom. Plus, I think it’s fat free, but I can’t back that up.
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