Vegas trip report-April 2009 Day 3

As expected, the next morning dawned with me residing in Hangovertown. It wasn’t the type of hangover I could kill with ibuprofen, I was going to have to wait this one out. I was on a strict water diet for the morning. Shortly before noon the F’s came to our room and we headed down to the pool. They didn’t appear to be nearly as hung over as I was, even though they were out later the night before. They said Coyote Ugly sucked (big surprise) but Rok was decent. Mr. F thought he was still drunk from the night before, which is probably the only reason he wasn’t hung over.

I laid by the pool for awhile and started to feel better. After letting my stomach settle for an hour before deciding I needed something to eat and the food at the pool wasn’t a good idea. I set off down the strip after checking if I’d won any sports bets from the previous day (I hadn’t) and decided I could handle Subway. I ate half there, the other half while watching the fountains at Bellagio, and I was feeling better. My next stop was Ceasar’s as a friend had asked me to place a sports bet and the odds were better there than NYNY. I played some video poker there, won a little, and headed back to the hotel. I was feeling pretty sure I needed a nap.
I slept for maybe 30 minutes before the wife came back from the pool. The F’s had set off down the strip already and were going to call us when they wanted to meet up. Shortly after the wife arrived, the F’s called from Hawaiian Tropic. We met up with them there and despite the amount of alcohol they had consumed in the previous 2 days, they weren’t done yet. Apparently, they needed to celebrate the purchase of the Louis Vuitton bag. I thought I was done so I stuck with water. We hung out there for awhile before continuing north on the strip. We grabbed some cheap Corona from Bill’s and decided on Margaritaville for dinner. I gave in to peer pressure and had a better than average margarita with the mountain of nachos we ordered. The nachos were decent, but nothing spectacular. The only impressive attribute was their size. The wife and I split the nachos (with plenty left over) while the F’s each had something in the salad family.
We went back to the hotel and turned in early as we had booked a 7:30AM flight.
The flight home was quiet, as early flights from Las Vegas typically are. The group of party girls were on the flight and it appeared they had partied themselves out. One of them had a very unfortunate sunburn on half of her face. My guess is she fell asleep/passed out in the sun on Sunday. Mr. F finally sobered up on the flight home, which is good since he drove to the airport.
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Vegas trip report-April 2009 Day 2

I had an absolutely putrid night of sleep that first night. I woke up at 4 am with a headache that seemed to be more cold than hangover. I dosed off and on until 6, then gave up. I got dressed and went downstairs to cash in a parlay ticket I had won the night before. My first bet, and I was already ahead $26. Then I got a players card (I had forgotten mine at home) which was loaded with $25 of free play. I sat down at a 100 hand video poker machine and proceeded to play .05/hand on 100 hands. I got a few decent hands and cashed out $35 ahead. I got my only gambling drink while I played, I ordered an orange juice (without the vodka) as my headache was going away and I didn’t want it to return. Yeah, I know I’m a weenie.

My next stop was over at Excalibur, home to the greatest donut chain store in history. Of course, I’m speaking of Krispy Kreme. I picked up a dozen and went back to our room. I scared the crap out of my wife upon my return. She a) didn’t know I was gone b)didn’t have any idea what time it was c)didn’t remember we were in Vegas and d)didn’t know her husband was so hot. I explained to her who I was and where we were until she grew disinterested in my explanation and had a donut. We got ready and headed out to the strip late that morning.
The wife had picked up some nasty blisters on her feet the night before (I’m not sure how many times I’ve told her to bring tennis shoes to Vegas, but she never listens. Maybe that’s because she doesn’t remember me.) so we didn’t walk far. We meandered around and settled on Fatburger for lunch. Neither of us had ever had a Fatburger and we felt like we lesser people because of it. They have good, but not great burgers. I would rank Red Robin significantly above Fatburger, and on par with In-N-Out Burger. Fatburger did have some great theater that particular lunch hour. A customer and the attendant got into a heated debate about an order. Normally, this would have been an argument that could have been settled in 30 seconds or less. I didn’t have my stopwatch out, but they went at it for at least 10 minutes. The attendant left the counter twice, I assume it was to grab a cigarette to calm herself. I wasn’t too worried about the wait, it was fairly obvious the kitchen was running behind so I could either wait at the counter and be entertained or wait at a table near some screaming kids and my amnesiac wife.
We finished lunch and still hadn’t heard from the F’s, who were supposed to call us when the got up. We went back to our room, and no sooner got settled in when they called to tell us they were at Hawaiian Tropic in Planet Hollywood. We trekked to PH and grabbed a couple 2-for-1 drink coupons on the way. We had a drink each and assumed we would only have to pay for one (they were $13 each, so it was going to feel like paying for two anyway). The check came, and we were charged for both. Apparently, one person has to have both drinks to get one free. Since we were already locked in to paying $26 for drinks, we ordered a couple more.
I had noticed Blondie’s in Planet Hollywood had an all-you-can-drink happy hour from 3-6pm for $20. Considering what drinks cost at Hawaiian Tropic, this was a steal. Mr. F assumed we could only get the cheapest beer on tap, and he was half right. We could get any Bud product or well drink for our $20. We arrived at 3:45, so we immediately set out to make up for lost time. The womenfolk joined us a half hour later, apparently they had seen something shiny in a store window and had to stop and look. Blondie’s turned out to be a good choice. Drinks were reasonable and the wings were above average. We made friends with a couple girls sitting at the next table. They were probably in their mid-twenties and they immediately attracted the attention of some losers. A group of about 5 men tried to pick them up despite it being incredibly obvious that the girls were too young and pretty to want anything to do with a bunch of old dorks. I’m usually not too harsh on guys trying to pick up girls because I’ve been there before. The thing is, these guys were 15-20 years older than the girls and one of them was wearing glasses straight out of Revenge of the Nerds. Mrs. F went over to talk to them after they had ditched the dirty old men and told them they need to signal us if they need help.
After happy hour was over, we headed back to the hotel to get ready for the evening. I made reservations for the Voodoo Steakhouse and our plan was to go up to the Lounge after dinner. We grabbed a cab and made our way to the Rio. The wife and I looked like average tourists, while Mr and Mrs. F looked like Richard Gere and Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. Mr. F bears a striking resemblance to Richard Gere, and Mrs. F occasionally dresses like a hooker so the analogy fits.
Unfortunately, the Voodoo Steakhouse was incredibly average. We had a couple bottles of wine, Mr. F and I had steak while the wife had fish. I can’t recall what Mrs. F had, I think it was shrimp. We spent $180 for a dinner that I could get in Iowa for $60. We went upstairs after dinner to the Voodoo Lounge.
To be honest, I didn’t know much about the Voodoo Lounge before we got there. I knew it was on the top of the Rio and had a patio. Based on what I knew about nightclubs in general I had a pretty good idea about what I was getting into. The club was loud, the only way we could sit down was if we paid large sum of money, and the drinks were going to make our $6 bottles of beer look cheap. Mr. F ordered a drink for himself and Mrs. F, then turned to my wife and asked if she wanted a fishbowl drink. She said no, which naturally meant yes to him. I watched the bartender pour a substantial amount of alcohol into something that looked to be the size of a punch bowl. I found out later it contained approximately 14 shots. My wife isn’t a big drinker, so I spent the rest of the night downing a fish tank of alcohol. Don’t get me wrong, my wife helped drink it. I think she ate three ice cubes. The best part of the Voodoo Lounge was the people watching. A couple very attractive go-go dancers were there, and 2 couples that really liked each other. And they made sure everyone knew how much they liked each other. After Mr. and Mrs. F finished their drink and I was swimming in alcohol, we snagged a cab and headed back to NYNY.
I don’t recall much about the ride back, except I seem to remember Mrs. F asking the cab driver if she smelled like a stripper. I’m not sure how the topic came up, but I do remember being too drunk to keep my mouth shut. Mr. and Mrs. F wanted to go to Coyote Ugly (I forewarned them it was full of dirty old men in waiting hoping to see a bartender dance provocatively) while the wife and I turned in.
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Vegas trip report-April 2009

Yes, I know. We just returned from our second trip to Las Vegas in 4 months. So in answer to your questions, no we’re still not tired of it and yes, we are addicted. Sometimes I think it would be cheaper to have a cocaine habit than a Vegas habit.

Our most recent trip to fabulous Las Vegas was my 6th, the wife’s 4th, and the first trip for the couple we went with. In keeping with tradition of nick naming our traveling companions, I will refer to them as Mr. and Mrs. Fancypants (you’ll find out why in a bit). Mr. and Mrs. F for short.
We booked the trip about 2 months ago for 3 nights. We were originally going to stay at the Flamingo until I received a comparable offer from New York New York. None of us had ever stayed at NYNY, but I’ve always liked the hotel. We flew Allegiant Air (motto: settting the standard in extra charges). We had about a 2 hour drive to the airport. There is an airport closer, but the tickets were about twice as much so we opted for the extra drive. I had planned on driving, until Mr. F pulled up and announced he was driving. That wasn’t what set me back when they pulled up. What surprised me was his attire. He was wearing jeans, tennis shoes, a button down shirt, and a suit jacket. I naturally assumed we must be stopping at a funeral on the way to the airport. I was wrong, apparently the reason for the suit jacket was it wouldn’t fit in his carryon. I had no such problem as I don’t make it a practice of wearing a suit unless I absolutely have to. What really bugged me was it looked perfectly natural on him. If I dressed like that, I’d look like a homeless guy that had just stolen a tuxedo jacket from a drunken groomsman.
The flight was typical, there were 3 couples getting married and a group of college girls hell-bent on celebrating a 21st birthday by getting obliterated for their entire trip. Mr. F talked me into taking a limo to the hotel because it wouldn’t be considerably more than a cab per person. I concurred, on our last trip the fare to Flamingo was $25 for two of us so for 4 it might be around $30 to NYNY compared to $40 for a limo. This might not have been a great decision. Our limo driver got stuck in traffic on Tropicana (maybe taking a back way might have been faster?) so it took almost 30 minutes to get the hotel.
Check in was quick at the hotel as we got to use the fancy “Invited Guests” line, which comes complete with 2 square feet of red carpet. We couldn’t get on the same floor as the F’s, they were on the floor above us. As part of the offer, we were upgraded to the Park Avenue rooms. I’m afraid to see how small the regular Skyline rooms are as the Park Avenue rooms are approximately the size of a broom closet. The décor is dark and the shades completely block out the sun, apparently in an effort to help guests sleep off hangovers.
We tossed our luggage in the room and met up with the F’s to go walk the strip. The wife and I were starving, so we grabbed a hot dog and a pretzel before we left the hotel. It was about 4pm local time and they hadn’t had a drink since lunch, so naturally they were parched. Mr. F picked Smith & Wollensky’s for our first stop, probably because it was the first place he saw that served alcohol. We had appetizers and a round and a half of drinks (2 for the F’s, 1 for the wife and I) and the total came to just over $100. Luckily, I had taken out a second mortgage to pay for this trip. Also, Mr. F picked up the majority of the tab. We left S & W and continued north. We stopped at Bellagio for a fountain show (surprisingly enough, it wasn’t Celine Dion) and walked through the conservatory. The next stop was the Forum Shops, where Mrs. F tried to talk Mr. F into buying her a Louis Vuitton bag. My wife didn’t even try as she doesn’t enjoy talking to a brick wall.
At this point it had been a couple hours since our last drink so we stopped at Carnival Court outside Harrah’s. Some old dude that looked like a cross between Ron Jeremy and Gene Simmons was belting out audience requests on his tricked out karaoke machine. We had a couple rounds there, and I tried to hide my surprise that domestic bottles were running $6 each. We left as he attempted to screech “God Bless America,” partly because of his singing and partly because a couple in their fifties (sixties?) was making out next to us. I don’t have a problem with some public displays of affection, but this crossed the line. I was about ready to throw them oxygen masks as they needed to come up for air. We wandered south, and wouldn’t you know it the fountain show was “God Bless America.” I guess I was destined to hear it that night.
We wandered through Paris, then picked up some provisions at Walgreens. I dropped our purchases off at the room and we went to the bar outside Coyote Ugly. I hesitate to refer to it as a bar as there are no walls, it just sits in the walkway next to the crappy etched glass kiosk. We had a couple drinks there and called it a night as it was after midnight by then.
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Sound financial advice from a 9-year old

My oldest daughter recently celebrated her 9th birthday. Along with the usual crap load of Hanna Montana junk, she received some cash. Yesterday, completely unprompted, she informed me that she wanted to invest it. I naturally got a little misty, as it seems obvious she has inherited my financial skills.
She asked what I like to invest in, and I showed her my rapidly dwindling stock portfolio. It still impressed her, but she's 9. It doesn't take a very big number to impress her. I explained to her how stocks work, what dividends are, and what a P/E ratio is. I knew how much money she had, so I had an idea that she might only want to invest $40-$50. I then asked her what her price range was, and she replied "$2-$3 a share." And she informed me she only wants 2 shares. Luckily, in this economic environment $2-$3 will get you the controlling interest in GM.
We started doing some stock screening, and came up with a list of 80 stocks that were valued less than $5, had a dividend yield of greater than 4%, and a P/E less than 20. Naturally, the list was primarily companies she had never heard of. I was hoping for at least one that would make sense to her. Then I found Books-A-Million (BAMM).
I haven't pulled the trigger on BAMM yet. I can't allow her to spend more on transaction costs than the stock is worth. Maybe I'll buy some shares with her to absorb the transaction costs. Either that or I'll talk her into buying a lot more shares on margin. No one has ever gotten in trouble doing that.
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