Vegas musings-Part 1

I just finished my 7th trip to Vegas and I’ve gotten to the point where it’s probably no longer necessary to give a blow-by-blow account. I’ll stick to the highlights (and lowlights).

My friend John went to Vegas at the same time as me and it was fairly obvious he was going to have better luck than me. I checked in before John and I was assigned a window seat without getting an option for any other seat. He was offered an exit row seat. On the way back, he checked in an hour later than me and was offered the 6th row. I was placed pretty much in the restroom, next to a couple guys with a gas issue. He won $450 at blackjack, I got my ass handed to me everywhere I went. John was probably due for some good luck, he got divorced last year and got laid off 3 months ago.
The first night we got there was a Thursday. It was the first time I can recall walking down the strip and not seeing any porn slappers (that’s the term used for the people slapping cards with pictures of “escorts” on them. I thought maybe they had a union and had gone on strike. No such luck, they were back the next night. It was also the quietest I have ever seen the Strip. The pedestrian traffic is typically nut-to-butt, that night it was almost eerie how quiet it was.
I had expected to be approached by some ladies of the night since the wife wasn’t with me. No, I wasn’t going to do anything as I’m entirely too cheap to pay for that kind of service. Instead, I wasn’t approached once. Maybe it was because I didn’t shave and I tend to look a little like a homeless person on vacation. Or I’m just not as hot as I think. Meanwhile, John was approached twice. The first time he didn’t realize what was happening until she asked if he was looking for some company.
I spent some time (and money) playing a game called Sigma Derby. I’ve never seen a machine like it before in all my gambling adventures. I’m not sure how old it is, but it probably dates back to the 70’s. It has 5 mechanical horses and the game gives odds on the chances of each 2 horses finishing 1st and 2nd. The odds range from 2-1 to 200-1. The winner is obviously more likely to be the 2-1 odds than 200-1, but that doesn’t stop everyone from betting at least a quarter on the longshot. Anyway, what really makes the game fun is seeing a bunch of fools screaming at mechanical horses.
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Discount movie review-Adventureland

I’m nothing if not a public servant. So for a public service, I would like to warn you about a movie that you might consider watching.
Last weekend Adventureland made it’s way to the top of our Netflix list. It was one of a long line of movies that we had intended to see but never got around to it. Unfortunately, last weekend we got around to it. This movie was falsely advertised. By watching the trailer, one makes the assumption it’s a comedy. If it was trying to be a comedy, it failed miserably. It turned out to be more of a
coming of age” movie, which is Hollywood-ese for “there’s a hopeless male virgin in this movie.”

The fact that it is a coming of age movie isn’t what made this movie suck. For starters, the hopeless virgin somehow manages to have girls chasing him fairly regularly. I’ve been a hopeless virgin, so trust me when I say this doesn’t happen. Secondarily, his father has a drinking problem that is never addressed. It was just thrown into the movie for no apparent reason. Sure, the hopeless resident of Virginia finds his father’s stash in the car and proceeds to get loaded and wreck the car. But that’s all that happens.
The acting in Adventureland is subpar. Kristen Stewart (OMG, I LUV HER IN TWILIGHT) is the love interest of the virgin and I have no idea how she lands acting roles. Apparently someone has told her that running your hands through your hair is the proper way to portray every emotion. If you took a drink every time she ran her hand through her hair, you’d be passed out before the opening credits finished. She spends the entire movie looking extremely bored. Ryan Reynolds is also in the movie, he’s married and having an affair with Kristen Stewart (OMG, I THOUGHT SHE ONLY LIKED VAMPIRES!! THAT SLUT!!) Sleeping with her seemed to bore Ryan also, his delivery was a monotone the entire movie.
As far as I can tell, this movie has no redeeming qualities. I didn’t laugh, there were no car chases, I wasn’t entertained, I didn’t figure out the meaning of life, and I didn’t see any boobs. And it had nothing to do with the Adventureland in Altoona, IA. All I did was get another hour and a half older. And I came up with this phenomenal movie review.
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