Breaking (well, maybe just spraining) news

I've spent at least 12 minutes researching this, and it appears djsfunnypages is the only major news outlet to realize today is the 5th anniversary of the opening of Jordan Creek Town Center in Des Moines. Typically for malls, the 5th anniversary is a big deal. Just like wedding anniversaries are paper for 1st, silver for 25th, viagara for 50th, and "DEAR GOD, WHY WON'T YOU DIE ALREADY!!" for 75th, malls have special traditions. The 5th malliversary (the surest sign of truly great writing is making up words)is the balloon animal anniversary.

I think this is the start of big things for me. Not sure what kind of things, but rest assured they will be big. Breaking news like this will surely get me recognized. Maybe I'll get linked by deadspin or TMZ. Or, dare I say it, google. Soon I'll be the first blogger to interview Micheal Jackson's corpse (too soon?). And who do I have to thank for this? Me. All me. And Kathy, as she confirmed that even the crappy local paper hadn't picked on this story.