In-Digest-ion

You can stop wondering why it's been so long since I posted. I've spent the last 10 days thinking up a great title for a post about Reader's Digest. And yes, I am disappointed in myself. I should have been able to do better.
Reader's Digest has one of the highest circulations of any magazine. We have a subscription, although I have no idea why. I think we got it free with the purchase of a tube of toothpaste.

My problems with Reader's Digest are multiple and far-reaching. For starters, the name is generic. It should be called Obvious Advice for the Functionally Retarded. An article in the current issue tells you "Thirteen Things Your Grocer Won't Tell You." I think the reason your grocer won't tell you these things is because they are all common sense. Seriously, who doesn't know that the grocery store is less crowded at dinnertime? Or that if you want to avoid shopping cart dents you should park far away? Not to mention their invaluable advice about produce. Apparently the familiar produce turns over more often than exotic produce. I can't believe I survived this long without this earth-shattering advice.
You don't have to read the Digest very long to determine they really like advertisements. I counted the pages of advertisements in the most recent issue and there were a whopping 63 pages of advertisements. The Digest utilizes midget-sized pages so the magazine is 196 pages long. Nonetheless, almost a third of the magazine is advertising. The bulk of the advertising is geared toward pharmaceuticals as the average age of a Digest readers is 92.
Reader's Digest makes an occasional attempt at being funny. Not that I'm the foremost expert on humor, but I can identify when something is not funny. Here's an example of being not funny. There is a cartoon of a chicken panhandling holding a sign that reads "All my eggs were in one basket." Can you imagine anyone finding that funny?
Maybe I just don't get Reader's Digest. Maybe it's all sarcasm and the joke is on all the geriatrics that laugh their asses off at chicken cartoons. Maybe I shouldn't rip them, and instead encourage everyone to buy toothpaste for the free subscription.