Acrapolypse now

There is a lot of speculation about the end of the world. Most people assume the there will be some kind of natural disaster or maybe a nuclear war. No matter how you see the world ending, it typically involves going out in a blaze of glory. Personally, I think the end of the world will look a lot like my bathroom did tonight.

My son Zach is on the tail end of potty training. It was kind of long haul because, well, he's a boy. He's done very well lately and we've gotten to the point where we don't have to remind him to go to the bathroom. Well, for the last week Zach has been feeling a little under the weather. He ran a fever, but had no other symptoms. He stopped running a fever a couple days ago and we figured it was over. We were wrong.
My wife was first on the scene. I heard the horrified shrieks only moments before the smell hit me. I grew up on a farm, so the smell of raw feces isn't foreign to me. However, I wasn't prepared for the sight.
My first thought was that our bathroom had been violated by a dozen truckers after a chili eating contest and the toilet exploded. The sheer volume of excrement that my 40-pound son had produced was unbelievable. In fact, it looked like he had crapped more than his body weight. And, of course, almost none of it made it into the toilet.
The first thing we did was call the National Guard. After all, this was a natural disaster. We got a recording. My next idea was to light the house on fire. I don't think we'd even need to make it look like an accident. The insurance company would agree the house was a total loss already.
Cooler heads prevailed and we set about cleaning up the Zach and the bathroom. And the hallway outside the bathroom (not sure if he was leaking on the way or if his explosive diarrhea shot crap 8 feet). Make sure to keep plenty of Clorox wipes around. The end of the world is going to be messy.