Pillow fight

This is an actual conversation I had with my wife a couple nights ago. It’s as close as we get to pillow talk. Don’t worry, it’s mostly safe for all audiences.

Wife: I really appreciate that you made the bed…
Me: I smell a ‘but’ coming
Wife: HOWEVER
Me: That’s pretty much the same as a ‘but’
Wife: Anyway, do you see how some of our pillows have zippers? (at this point she uses a prop in case I’m unfamiliar with zippers)
Me: Yes
Wife: When you put the pillowcases on the pillows, can you make sure the zippers are at the bottom of the pillowcase?
Me: Um, why?
Wife: Because if the zippers are toward the open end of the pillowcase, the zippers can cut me.
Me: You’ve suffered lacerations from a pillow zipper?
Wife: Yes
Me: Really
Wife: Yes. The pillow can work its way out of the pillowcase and the zipper digs into my skin.
Me: That’s different than getting cut.
Wife: It’s uncomfortable and I’d like you put the pillowcases on differently.
Me: So you’re admitting you never really suffered lacerated from a pillow.
Wife: Just do it and shut up.