Discount movie review-Adventureland

I’m nothing if not a public servant. So for a public service, I would like to warn you about a movie that you might consider watching.
Last weekend Adventureland made it’s way to the top of our Netflix list. It was one of a long line of movies that we had intended to see but never got around to it. Unfortunately, last weekend we got around to it. This movie was falsely advertised. By watching the trailer, one makes the assumption it’s a comedy. If it was trying to be a comedy, it failed miserably. It turned out to be more of a
coming of age” movie, which is Hollywood-ese for “there’s a hopeless male virgin in this movie.”

The fact that it is a coming of age movie isn’t what made this movie suck. For starters, the hopeless virgin somehow manages to have girls chasing him fairly regularly. I’ve been a hopeless virgin, so trust me when I say this doesn’t happen. Secondarily, his father has a drinking problem that is never addressed. It was just thrown into the movie for no apparent reason. Sure, the hopeless resident of Virginia finds his father’s stash in the car and proceeds to get loaded and wreck the car. But that’s all that happens.
The acting in Adventureland is subpar. Kristen Stewart (OMG, I LUV HER IN TWILIGHT) is the love interest of the virgin and I have no idea how she lands acting roles. Apparently someone has told her that running your hands through your hair is the proper way to portray every emotion. If you took a drink every time she ran her hand through her hair, you’d be passed out before the opening credits finished. She spends the entire movie looking extremely bored. Ryan Reynolds is also in the movie, he’s married and having an affair with Kristen Stewart (OMG, I THOUGHT SHE ONLY LIKED VAMPIRES!! THAT SLUT!!) Sleeping with her seemed to bore Ryan also, his delivery was a monotone the entire movie.
As far as I can tell, this movie has no redeeming qualities. I didn’t laugh, there were no car chases, I wasn’t entertained, I didn’t figure out the meaning of life, and I didn’t see any boobs. And it had nothing to do with the Adventureland in Altoona, IA. All I did was get another hour and a half older. And I came up with this phenomenal movie review.